May 24, 2007- A moment of candor

I have encountered countless kind (though perhaps naïve) souls who have commended me and my fellow PCV´s for volunteering with the Peace Corps, as if the sole act of volunteering is dignified in itself. I should dedicate part of this entry to dispelling the above myth. Sure, committing two years to strangers in a strange land is somewhat of a triumph in the beginning, but no one should be continuously praised for this sacrifice unless they reinforce it by doing something extraordinary with themselves during their two years abroad. I am writing this so that you can all eulogize the one area that I have excelled in here, which is the maintenance of my mounting impatience with the children I am working with. Believe me when I say that I might be the most edgy person on this entire continent, and I am wondering how I came to qualify as this if this is never how I used to be. Should I allow some time and space for your applause?

The elementary school that is situated closest to my house just lost their English teacher. They are probably better off without her since she was teaching them words that don´t actually exist in the English language, but unfortunately, her abdication has gravely affected me. I was guilt tripped into taking over her position, despite my best efforts to shy away from all English-related responsibilities. In propositioning me, the director conveniently forgot to mention that the class I would be taking over resembles a pack of screeching and blood-sucking hyenas. I am certifiably afraid of them. While I feel I adequately asserted myself in the first class, making sure to highlight the fact that I mean business, they continue to treat me like that stereotyped submissive substitute that will be teaching the class for just one day. Judging by how miserable they are capable of making me, the only conclusion I have repetitively come to is that I have reached my own personal hell. I am being punished for something soooo bad…

Here are the 3 simple ground rules that I have set for the class, and the various ways these ballsy students of mine break them:

1. Have respect for your classmates and teacher. Raise your hand if you have something to contribute, and never speak while someone else is speaking.
-Perhaps it is my fault for not specifying that you should refrain from throwing pointy objects at your teacher´s eyeball, but two boys in particular just love to throw paper airplanes at my head WHILE I am looking directly at them, followed by them denying it straight-faced. ¨Oh, I´m sorry for accusing you, Rosmel. You´re right, maybe I was blinded for an instance by the UFO coming full-speed towards my head. I agree, it probably was thrown by my favorite student, who happens to be sitting all the way across the room, vigorously writing English words in her notebook.¨

2. Come to class on time, with all necessary materials.
-These little gems of mine take pride in showing up 15 minutes late to a one hour class, telling me that the rain hindered them from getting there on time from a classroom that is twenty feet away from ours. Hmmm…how uncanny that it was raining there and not here. What a conundrum nature is!

3. At the end of the class, please return all borrowed materials to the teacher in the same condition they were borrowed in.
-Since I didn´t specify under Rule 1 that the students should not be ¨making music¨ while someone else is talking, they feel completely comfortable creating a different kind of disruption by crushing my brand new crayons under their feet, or crumpling the notebooks I bought them with my own money. But how can I yell at them for making this kind of noise? After all, they´re not talking.

Since at the end of each work day I feel like bringing an end to every child within a ten mile radius, I am sure you can understand my intermittent confusion and frustration with my project. Remind me once more…Am I here with the Youth Development or Youth Abolishment Program, because I might really thrive at the latter. I guess it is safe to say that maternal instincts don´t kick in until you have your own children, but can someone like me (taking into consideration my present state of mind) really count on something like that happening?

Note to anyone important (Peace Corps staff) who might be reading this: I am mostly joking and am not homicidal. Thanks for reading.